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How George Stole Christmas It was the night before Christmas And the Office of Homeland Security Had been alerted to a potential security threat Not a creature was stirring Martial law was in effect Terrorists were flying in from the north Intercepted e-mails revealed the plan Disrupt the holiday season With false gestures of brotherly love The children were chillin' All snug in their beds But nightmares of technocracy Still filled their heads The libraries were staked out By G-Men with care In the hopes that the operative, St. Nicklaus, would slip up Phone lines were tapped Witnesses intimidated Evidence was manufactured Just in case Miranda was flushed And the ban on torture rescinded Dissenters were hushed The propaganda was splendid The media reports were firm An attack was imminent CNN made it clear In case you had forgotten The U.S. had always been at war with the North Pole Hordes of sympathizers In matching red uniforms Were held in detainment camps Indefinitely The sightings began at the hour of twelve A bearded fanatic Accompanied by elves The nation held captive By a small band of thugs Those brightly wrapped gifts? Surely weapons or drugs Fighters were scrambled And radar locks sought But the elusive red menace Would not be caught (Break) The leaders looked foolish Impotent, outmatched The missiles had failed So a new plan was hatched A drone sleigh was destroyed Over a snow-covered field And when the debris site was cordoned off The "victory" revealed The shills sounded trumpets And the sheep blandly bleated The country was safe This "Santa" defeated But the gifts were delivered Though all houses locked The president's stocking Held nothing but rocks The true Kringle sped off Back to his wife "Merry Christmas to most, And to most, a good night" |
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